Holding On
by alwayssirius
Summary: Because sometimes you hold on to something you shouldn't. Spoilers for this week's episode (11/19).


I have a problem. It's called Bellarke.

So I wrote this before last night's episode, which explains why Clarke isn't all like 'you're breaking my heart, Anakin. You're going down a path I cannot follow' or something. But okay, am I the only one who went all fangirl over the Bellarke reunited scene?! I haven't read the books but I suspected Bellamy and Clarke would be a thing eventually and I totally shipped them, and then I found out everyone else does too and apparently they're a thing in the books.

Anyway, it's not much but before this week's episode, I was trying to figure out a plausible way to take Finn out of the picture and this was my way. The show's way was a little more extreme (I mean, dang!) but that works too. Okay, I need to re-watch the Bellarke scenes, so without further ado, here is my (tiny) one-shot.

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><p>I hear Bellamy walk up from behind me just as Finn walks away. "He's changed," he says, watching Finn's retreating back. "The things he did-"<p>

"-are no different than what you would've done to find Octavia," I say, cutting him off. He can't try to act like he's never killed anyone.

"Yeah, but I was never the pacifist."

"And all of a sudden you are."

"No, I'm just tired of killing unnecessarily."

"He thought it was necessary to save us."

"He thought it was necessary to save _you_, and you didn't see the look in his eyes. Listen, I don't want to argue, I just wanted to warn you."

"I appreciate it, but I know Finn. There's nothing wrong with him," I say with a tone of finality. I'm done with this conversation. Finn just needs time to deal with him demons. He'll be fine.

100100100

"There's something wrong with him," Clarke tells me.

"There's a lot wrong with him," I mutter, "but what specifically are you talking about?"

"He's . . . distant, moody . . . angry at the world."

"He's angry at himself and taking it out on you," I explain, knowing that feeling exactly.

"It's like he blames me for what he did."

"Only because he's having a hard time figuring things out. Stuff like this changes people."

"You never blamed me for the things you did."

"No, but I blamed Octavia. We do it to those closest to us."

"It's not fair," she says quietly.

"No, but he's not thinking sensibly right now. He'll come around," I say, not because I believe it, but because she needs reassurance right now.

100100100

"He didn't come around," Clarke says, wiping her eyes before taking a seat next to Bellamy.

"Spacewalker still acting like a dick?" he asks, wondering why she came to him.

"He broke up with me. Said he doesn't blame me, but I'll always remind him of what he became and he just can't."

"Still acting like a dick," he mutters. "You'll be fine, Princess."

"Don't call me that."

"Why? Because he came up with it? You can't avoid everything related to him, you know."

"Just, please Bellamy? It's not much to ask."

"Yeah, okay fine," he sighs. "Look at me, Clarke."

"What?"

"You don't need him."

"I know," she says quietly, looking away, "but I want him."

"He's not as great as you and Raven seem to think he is."

"He was there for me from day 1, making me smile when nothing else could, showing me to let loose every once in a while, helping and protecting me. He protected me from you, actually, if you recall."

"I've changed since then, and apparently so has he. He's not that same guy and you know it, so why are you still fighting so hard to hold on?"

"I don't want to be alone," she whispers, the truth slipping out before she could stop herself, hating how vulnerable she's being in front of Bellamy, of all people.

"You're not," he says, looking at her intently. She avoids his gaze until he lifts her chin with a finger. "Look at me, Clarke. You're not alone."

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><p>Hope you enjoyed! How long do you think it'll take for Bellarke to happen? I'm going to guess the end of this season. Can you believe we have to wait 2 weeks for the next episode?! Ugh.<p> 


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